Here is a piece I am using in my latest story ‘A Delicate Balance’.
I am hoping that I am able to overcome this wall that seems to stop me from ever finishing a story. I am holding it (the story) tight to my belly and not letting anyone read it in the hopes that this somehow breaks the spell on me. As soon as I share a tale it loses its appeal to me.
This piece is a bit abstract out of context with the story but meh, since when has that stopped me? lol.
1. I got married in the most perfect wedding ceremony ever, it was so beautiful and everyone had so much fun. It was better than I ever hoped for. i will see if i can figure out how to post some pics… or check me out on the FB!
2. I cleaned my house and its still tidy! This for me is a major achievement. I Loathe cleaning. Abhor it. Spurn it as Evil and not in the super hot and sexy ‘ohmygod Lex Luther is soo Evil’ kind of way. Maybe I will be a Stepford Wife yet? LOL. I can’t really see it either..
3. I got elected as Mayor(ess?) of the CITY OF IF! WOOT! Joining the hallowed halls of IFian Mayorocracy – standing alongside such respected Elders as Chinaren, Smee, Crunchyfrog and Sir Wax. Awesome-ageness! Hopefully the place doesn’t fall apart under my watch.. it shall be a learning curve. Fortunatly i have the good luck to have a great group of advisors around me come visit www.cityofif.com and say Hi!
4. I now work at the local Bakery. Its good, honest work. i always thought that was code for ‘a shite job but some schmuck has to do it and lets give him a tiny scrap of cred.’ and you know what? I was right. LOL. its a long day on your feet, being all chipper with customers and then mucking in with the cleaning and food prep. The great thing is that I don’t think about it after I clock off. Done and done – home to pass out on my loungeroom floor cause my legs are so tired!
Hmm I think thats me. Ella starts school next year – totally freaks me out how fast that came up but so far I am not worried about her going – shes totally plugged into it all already. Too smart by half. Annika is a bundle of fun and still finds wonder in the world – that is the best stage ever I reckon. When youcan amuse yourself by staring at your reflection and acting like a puppy dog for four hours I think you have got some totally zen stuff switched on. in the words of their carer ‘perfectly adjusted kids’.
The man-half of the duo is cruising along as well as ever. Lucky one of us is grounded cause otherwise I would be barely alive lol. Head in the clouds – thats me. Love you babe :p
oh yeah and heres a shout out to Vitamin Water (as seen on Gossip Girl lol check out the latest episode Bonfire of the Vanities – talk about product placement!) – LOVE YOU LONG TIME VW!
A woman I knew, briefly and in passing, yet whom was always cheerful and friendly – passed away yesterday. Her story is a tragic and beautiful one.. one of the young destined to be forever youthful and beautiful in our eyes and memories.
Many held Riza Hawkeye, and here i shall not say that this wasn’t her real name, for each of us lives real lives online or off… Riza had her own personality and own story… many held Riza in their hearts and considered her a great friend.
It for those that will never know her that i ache, it is for the unfullfilled potential and the stories never finished.. yet my grief is selfish for what does it serve but to hold her spirit bound to this earth?
I pray that Riza found peace with her maker, be it the Lord God or Mother Earth Gaea… may her spirit soar in love and joy. Her heart lighter now she is free from the earthly chains.
May her husband and family know that she was loved and will always be.. May they learn in time to think of her without tears and may they learn to smile again at her memory. Hers was not a life wasted – for to say that devalues the good that she did and the life that she lived.
Love is never wasteful, laughter in never wasteful, living a life no mattter how short to the best of our abilities is never wasteful.
I won’t pretend to know her backstory, her family, her reality. I knew Riza Hawkeye.. sniper and friend. And this is for whom i weep.
To If. Love Riza
now there is darknesss and despair
oh how it draws near at this moment
do not deign to let it consume you whole
yet pause and allow the tears to flow
in silent moments do not fear dreams
for they will only bring me nearer
and on these plains we may remenisce
and the aching shall fade a while
when next you see a smiling face
see there the echoes of me and mine
know i love you and chose my path
and not a moment would i retake
few are as blessed in their short years
to love and live and laugh as i
to have such friends as i found in you
and the love i found in His embrace.
This is something i have been playing with… its not quite right yet its not quite wrong either…
Eternal Struggle Moves Ever On
Here bides the truth of lies kissed at midnight
the obscurity of faithfulness in a seers eyes
the shaman summons the brave to rise
to dance ‘hallelujah’ under the cold white moon
Soldiers stand made lovers of final goodbyes
dark silouhettes that emanate virgin pains
crimson red deciet and hatred flaring out
spilling forth this tide bears up under assualt
Madame Gaea hides in a silent midnight shroud
an echo of a vestige that is no longer any more
a monolith to peace riddled with poison arrows
her sorrow cries forever into the endless sky
The stains of blood ride high upon her skirts
the extended hands eternally entreating ‘please’
pitch black night encircles those who await it
the carrion feeders peck at innocent lamb eyes
This star is brighter through their sight
the tears prove no more than true devotion
destiny sings of passionate redemption
a circle of arms to guide them home
yet Pater bides his time at ethereal gates
Discordant tones displease and anger Him
forgiveness withheld until truly earned
the steel blue eyes of light do not welcome
The Fallen smile with salesmens eyes
‘enter and find your salvation here’
eternal damnation is on their side
what more can we ask than that which we earn
The formidible foe that is morning comes
the sun breaking herself upon nights shores
awakening the oblivious from gentle slumbers
to ignorantly greet the day with arms wide open
…what ever will be will be, the future’s not ours to see… ke sera sera….
What can i say? Today is a day of introflection, supposition and meh-ish moments.
Today is one of those days that can bring you down then pick you up with a flick of its invisible to me switch. An off hand comment by some random can have you plummeting down to earth.
But its not just Me. Most people that i have spoken to feel it too, a heaviness on the shoulders – the mantle of uncertaintity.
Okay.. loving this book! I mean whats not to love right? The themes are real and timeless, the passion in extremes, the ending breaks your heart…
So her ghost haunts him to his death and he is driven near insane by the loss of his Katherine and the beauty they could have known together…
The movie is just as perfect… countless versions have been made and some fail where others fly… for those ignorami that have yet to see it there is a heap of versions on YouTube (watch the seperate parts to make the full movie sort of thing) or then there is this clip which i think says it all..
The Heights in a Nutshell…
Or maybe it should be Everyone from the heights deserves to be in a Nuthouse? LOL
Intensity is the heart of the story – I don’t think that could be any more apparent or argued!
Next comes ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Kate Bush.. Haunting in the extreme and a beautiful and touching epilogue to Heathcliffe’s death… Katherine is calling to him from the Moors where they fell in love and she will not be satiated until he is in her arms.
The song on the surface is a lament by Kathy yet on closer inspection it becomes clear that this ‘ghost’ that is haunting Heathcliffe (when taken in context with the book) is more of an inner demon he has. Its the cry of his tormented mind at what he let slip away, the memories that haunt him until he too crosses over.
Read the Lyrics first then listen to the track ~ experience the haunting refrains of Kate Bush with the notion of love requited yet not united. Circumstance leaving lovers bereft off each other… until she dies and he serves the rest of his ‘life sentence’ haunted by the ghost of what may have been…
The Lyrics..
Out On the wiley, windy moors
We’d roll and fall in green
You had a temper, like my jealousy
Too hot, too greedy
How could you leave me
When I needed to possess you?
I hated you, I loved you too
Bad dreams in the night
They told me I was going to lose the fight
Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it’s me, I’m Cathy, I’ve come home
I’m so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it’s me, I’m Cathy, I’ve come home
I’m so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Oh it gets dark, it gets lonely
On the other side from you
I pine alot, I find the lot
Falls through without you
I’m coming back love, cruel Heathcliff
My one dream, my only master
Too long I roam in the night
I’m coming back to his side to put it right
I’m coming home to wuthering, wuthering
Wuthering Heights
Heathcliff, it’s me, I’m Cathy, I’ve come home
I’m so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it’s me, I’m Cathy, I’ve come home
I’m so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away
Ooh let me have it, let me grab your soul away
You know it’s me, Cathy
Heathcliff, it’s me, Cathy come home
I’m so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it’s me, Cathy come home
I’m so cold, let me in in-a-your-window
Heathcliff, it’s me, Cathy come home
I’m so cold
….Until at last she comes for him…
Perhaps we can also see this as a dialog between Heathcliffe and Kathy… the parts in bold are her response to his tormented cries… or again is it his addled brain discoursing with itself?
Where Kate was Passionate, angry, haunted and determined.. Josh is soulful, sad and vulnerable….
There are many versions of this song and i will dig those up later!
What can I say? I am a sucker for a beautiful sentiment! And a gorgeous voice – and for the first time in years I can actually understand the words!
There seems to me to be a strong undercurrent of Power relationships throughout this novel.
Linton the man who refuses to take the position of Strength Kathy senses in him yet he continually fails to deliver – through some deep seeded resentment of what this dynamic implies perhaps? or through his own lack of assurety at the extent of Kathy’s feelings?
Then there are the poignant and telling words that are echoed throughout everything WH related.. ‘My one true Master’… listen/read/watch and you will find them…
And that is a blog for another time!
okay thats enough on that for now.. i am sure it will be a recurring theme on my blog as WH is my Catcher in the Rye.
It took mere moments to understand my own necessity.
The Questions innumerable… How can I be a writer if I don’t talk the talk? Can I exist as a writer if I am not fluent in verbs and pro-nouns? Do I need to know a dipthon? Do I need knowledge garnered from years travelling abroad or studying at stone walled Universities?
If I can write a piece that moves someone to tears, if I can express myself in way that evokes imagery to the reader.. am I not by my very nature a Writer?
I have always identified myself as a Writer.. a degree does not make someone capable of writing..
Who I am is who I ever was… I have grown of late and expanded my reality – the results being nothing so much as simply further potential for possibility..
As I was driving the long road home I felt touched by the world. You are who You are. She sang to me with a myriad voices in a myriad ways.
‘Go home Ne, go home and write that story that defines You.. let them know that You are not going to disappear just because They desire it.’
come visit 
